“I’m at the top of the food chain! I can eat everything below me!”
If this is a principle, well, actually, you’re not. More people have been known to have been eaten by lions than lions have been known to have been eaten by people. Next time you’re in a zoo, follow your principles and let the lion eat you. (Unless you’re a hypocrite.)
“If it’s about animals, I play God! I choose who lives and who dies!”
Right. So let each meat-eater choose for 100 animals a day, 36,500 animals a year, and let’s see if the earth lasts one year. (With great power comes great responsibility…)
“They would overpopulate us! There would be too many of them!”
Actually, they are “cultivated.” Abandon the farms and there won’t be any more of them.
“I mean, it’s survival. I eat meat, and I live!”
Right. So next time you meet a vegan, knock yourself on the head, because you’re dreaming. (Since he doesn’t eat meat, he hasn’t survived, so he doesn’t exist.)
“I feel full only after I’ve had some meat.”
Pamela Anderson, in a 1996 interview, said she feels full only if his (thing) is at least 10 inches long. But your girlfriend/wife isn’t Ms. Anderson.
“You need proteins to live.”
Yeah, and all the vegetarians around you are suddenly dead, don’t you know?
“They’re animals. They don’t have feelings the way we might think.”
Lynch your cat/dog once a week. String it up by the throat till it shrieks, for about 2 minutes. Then let it down. Since it doesn’t have feelings, it won’t matter, and you can say: “You know what? Animals really don’t have feelings.” We’ll believe you… honest!
“If you want to be a real man, you’ve got to eat meat!”
If you want to be a real man, you’ve got to be at least 10 inches. (Ask Ms. Anderson.)
“Dogs and cats have feelings. Other animals don’t. That’s why we don’t eat dogs and cats.”
Try passing that by Chinese and Korean folks.
“They’re meant to be eaten! What else would those animals do?”
If farmers stopped cultivating them, they wouldn’t be there. And if you’re keen on things doing what they were meant to, remember that each of your sperms is (theoretically) meant to father one child, so start research into infinite populations.
“But everybody eats meat! It’s, like, food!”
Like everybody stole during the NY blackout. It’s, like, OK to steal.
“It’s natural to like meat.”
It’s also natural to grab a beautiful woman on the street by the breasts.
“They don’t have souls.”
Very scientific. So prove you have a soul. (And tell us what happens when your soul goes to heaven and your body is in your coffin… where are you?)
“It’s difficult to quit meat.”
It’s difficult to get a six-pack, to win $10,000, and to clear the clutter in your house, too.
“It probably pains for just a little while.”
Since that’s OK, slash your wrist every morning, then tell us it pained just a little while.
“This is all so soft and mushy, about being kind to animals.”
You’re the rugged type, so tell your girlfriend/wife the next time you meet her: “Screw feelings, and let me shove it in.” You don’t really want to be more mushy than that, do you? (Unless you’re a hypocrite.)
“My religion doesn’t stop me from eating animals.”
Your religion doesn’t stop you from having poverty, sickness, misery, day-dreams, and calcium deficiency, either.
“OK, they get killed, and I don’t really care.”
You might care if there was conscription to slaughterhouses, like there’s conscription to the armed forces. If you don’t like going there, you’re chicken.
“I’m not chicken! Besides, people clean sewage, and I don’t have to look! So let me be, OK?”
You’re talking about not caring how someone or something feels. So swear you won’t ever complain if someone treats you like crap. (Unless your a hypocrite.) Ever read Kafka’s Metamorphosis?
“OK, they get killed, and I don’t care because I don’t have to visit a slaughterhouse!”
Kids believe in Santa Claus, and it’s OK because they’re not awake at midnight on Christmas Eve.
“Why is it OK for a wild animal to chew up bison and not OK for me to chew bison?”
It’s OK for a dog to hump a bitch in the middle of City Ave. Also, if you were something like a wild animal, you wouldn’t need an elevator, or a computer, or a house.
“Ancient people ate meat!”
Ancient people had concubines, too, and believed the world was flat. The Greeks believed in the virtues of homosexuality. The Egyptians believed the soul would take its stuff, like ornaments, with it when it died.
“Christ ate meat!”
So, you do, ummm, what Jesus would do, all the time. Why are you reading this?
“Whitman said: “I contradict myself.”
And you’re Joe A., not Whitman. If you want to say the same thing with the same authority, you’re plagiarizing.
“Jehovah’s Witnesses tell me about Him, and you tell me about being vegan. What’s the difference?”
This is not about being vegan/vegetarian. It’s about you.
“So I go vegan/vegetarian just because of this list?”
No. Your innocence ends with this list.